Obviously not as great as the M&D bicker and banter, but the arguments between Bert and MacGilicuddy are often amusing:
B: "Looking a little green around the irises aren't we MacGilicuddy?" MacG: "You'd have to get a stepladder to see my irises!" .... Agnes: ..."What is it with you two? I can't even remember what it is why you hate each other!" B: "Oh it's very simple" MacG: "Yeah" B: "We just do!" MacG: "Yeah!" B: "Right?" MacG: "Blind hatred!" Agnes: "See? You agree on something!" B: "Agree? NEVER! I Love this man!" MacG: "Me neither!"
Which makes me ask, why DID they hate each other? Fighting for Agnes' affections? I don't know when MacGilicuddy even came into it.
I think they both admit that they actually don't know WHY they hate each other. Maybe because MacGilicuddy was sort of the leader of the lazy bums at the office(I know it was supposed to be that way, but boy, I wonder how profitable Blue Moon could have been without those people. Did they EVER do anything?) and then Bert came in and challenged him in a way.
I also love how in Lunar Eclipse, Bert is crying and carrying him away and the ABC guy says "Nah, it's ok, he had no more lines anyway"^^. Bert is just so funny and cute:)!
In Eek a spouse. Bert is trying to cheer up David..
Why did she marry him? He´s not you!... I don't know, it's like saying (something I can't remember) or that we don't really exist.. Do we really exist?
He questions existance and gets all panicky. Then Dave interrupts him:
"Bert, Bert...do you feel your underwear?" "Yes?" "Then you do exist."
I always thought he was the only thing Dave ever had close to a friend:). Such a shame he didn't seem to feel that way the way he rudly rejected him in "Eine kleine Nacht Murder" ("No, you can't call me Dave!")
Another good one was his speech in "Here's living with you, Kid"
Agnes: It's Good To See You Again, Burt. Bert: Yeah. Swell. Agnes: Maybe We'll See Each Other Again. Bert: Yeah. Swell. Sam: Of All The Gin Joints In All The Towns In All The World, She Walks Into Yours. Bert(upset): Hey! I'm Supposed To Say That. Sam: Oh. Sorry. Bert: Sorry? It's Only The Best Line In The Script. Sam: I'm Sorry. Bert: How Many Times Do You Get A Chance To Say A Line Like That? Sam: I Said I'm Sorry. Bert: A Lot Of Good Sorry Will Do Now. Wait A Minute. I Still Have The Airport Scene. Sam: What? Bert: Never Mind. Let's Just Say That She And I Still Have Something To Talk About.
Bert: Agnes, There's A Time For Talking And A Time For Listening, And The Way I See It, It's Time For Me To Do The Talking For Both Of Us. What We Feel, What We Need, None Of That Matters Anymore. Maybe Someday You'll Understand That The Problems Of 3 Little People Don't Amount To A Hill Of Beans In This Crazy World. Maybe Someday I'll Understand Why I Always Talk Like That. But For Now Here's Looking At You, Kid.
Agnes(confused): Here's Looking At Me? What Does That Mean, "Here's Looking At Me"?
Bert: Never Mind. I'm Just Telling You We've Got To Put Aside Our Own Desires, Our Own Needs. You've Got To Do The Right Thing. You've Got To Get On That Plane Where You Belong.
Agnes: Of Course I'm Getting On The Plane. It's Leaving Any Minute. Besides, Victor's On Board. Where Else Would I Go? Ohh. You Thought You And I. Well, That's All Right. Bert: I Understand. You're Trying To Be Strong. I Respect That. If It's Any Help, Just Remember, We'll Always Have Paris. Agnes: We Were Never In Paris, Burt. Burt, I Think You Should Rethink This Whole Approach. This Role Just Isn't You. I Don't Want To Be Mean, But The Truth Is Some Guys Just Can't Pull This Off. Noble Good-Byes Are Only Good If You're The Kind Of Man Who's Hard To Leave. Don't Be Upset. Being The Guy Who Wins The Girl's Love Isn't Everything. There's Always Comic Relief. Well, Got To Run. If You're Ever In Monte Carlo.
Bert: Agnes, Wait. You Can't Leave Me Like This. You've Got To Give Me Another Chance. Who Cares About France? We're Not French. The French Are Rude. I Was Lying When I Said You Should Do The Right Thing And Go With Victor. You're Right. I'm Not That Noble. You Should Do The Wrong Thing And Stay With Me! Please, Agnes, Please! I Was Making It All Up. Just One More Chance. I'm Begging You! Anything You Want, I Tell You. Anything! I'll Pay You! Would You Like That? I'll Give You Money! I Can Change. Whatever It Takes. Just Tell Me What You Want! I Can Dress Differently. I Can Shave. I Can Be Taller!