Post by queensgirl on Feb 6, 2006 2:17:11 GMT -5
The fourth episode of season 3 finds our detectives staking out a post office in an attempt to stop the correspondence between a married woman and her secret admirer. It also introduces intrepid accounting temp Herbert Quentin Viola, who in the filmed version finds himself quite literally the prisoner of secretary Agnes Dipesto’s affections.
This is one of those episodes that winds up being so different in its written and final versions that were they both shot and aired, you would in places have a tough time figuring out they were about the same thing. With the exception of the chief plot point, that of the mystery of the letters, very little of this one stayed the same from script to television.
I'll post this in two sections to save wear-and-tear on the ol' retinas.
(Please note, contains spoilers. Please stop here if you have not seen the episode and do not wish to learn the plot[/u].)
The t.v. version of the episode opens with its infamous shot of Agnes, ahem, let’s just say getting acquainted with the new help. Everyone else stares from out in the hall, transfixed yet afraid to interrupt. David strolls up and catches the same glimpse, but is just as amused as punch. It’s safe to say Ms. Hayes is not quite so lenient.
The original script did not feature a salacious Agnes pouncing on the object of her affections. Quite the opposite: it shows them as mutually smitten from the get-go, and seeing each other pretty seriously as soon as they could. It doesn’t refer to that day as Bert’s first in the office. He and Agnes make eyes at each other, and have gotten to the business of pet names pretty quickly. They even talk about having been out to dinner, more than once. Bert's name is also spelled differently.
There are a couple of differences to note right off the bat: in the first draft, the client's family name was Woods, not Woodley; and Pete Macy, the deaf man, was Paul Macy, and not deaf. Also, something very different happens to our heroes in the middle of the plot, and it involves the words 'obstruction of justice.' You'll see. ;D
Here are some excerpts from the original version.
[My comments are in brackets, the stage directions in italics or (like this).]
[First shot in the Blue Moon office. Scene commences right after Gail writes a letter and then Macy is seen mailing one for her.]
Close up on a book entitled “The Art of Concentration”…and we pull back to see it’s being held in the hands of Dipesto…reading at her reception desk…but every few second she anxiously looks up from the book…cranes her neck to see out the front hallway…and she goes back to her book…but she keeps losing her place...suddenly, just as she’s buried her head in the pages again…
Angle—the front door
Walking in, one of the firm’s newest hires…Burt* Viola …and he tilts an incandescent smile toward Dipesto…
*[They spell it that way throughout this draft.]
Burt (musical): Good morning, Agnes…
On Dipesto…a meltdown…
Dipesto (purring): G’morning, Burt.
Angle
As Burt approaches her desk…and he looks into her eyes for a long moment…and then he speaks…
Burt: I didn’t sleep the whole night, Agnes…
On Dipesto
A touch embarrassed…then she looks up at him…
Dipesto: Me neither.
…but they’re interrupted by the phone ringing…
Angle--As Dipesto answers…
Dipesto (to Burt): Excuse me. (and then, into phone receiver): Blue Moon Investigations, The Price-Chopping Peepers…hubby go out for a drive? Still waiting for him to arrive? Two ninety-nine ninety-five—We’ll find him, if he’s alive…
Another angle--As Burt slowly glides around Dipesto’s desk…her eyes following his all the way as she recites her ditty…
Dipesto: Our low cost alarm system’s brand new…
As Burt creeps behind Dipesto
Dipesto (increasingly distracted by Burt): We wire your doors, your locks, windows too…
And one of Burt’s hands ‘walks’ up Dipesto’s arm and grabs a shoulder…
Dipesto: So no one gets in, not even you…
And Burt’s other hand ‘walks’ up and takes Dipesto’s other shoulder…
Dipesto (carrying on despite the distraction): Call, call, call us guys…
Another angle--As Bert swivel’s Dipesto’s chair around so that she’s facing him…
Dipesto: Don’t let anyone break in by surprise…
And Burt, doing an A+ Valentino, wrenches the phone from Dipesto’s weakened grasp…and he hangs up…and they kiss…
Angle--As the employees sit at their desks…staring at Dipesto and Viola as…
Dipesto and Viola continues to kiss…until we hear a woman clearing her voice…and they snap apart and turn to see…
Maddie and David
Who’ve just entered, looking on…and then glancing at each other…she’s surprised…he can’t conceal a sloppy grin on his face…
[The conversations for the next few pages are almost the same as they were on t.v. Skip to where Maddie draws Agnes into her office for a little chat on employee decorum.]
Dipesto: I’m sorry. But I just want to say one thing, Ms. Hayes. (A deep breath, and then): I enjoyed it.
On Maddie
Looking at Dipesto…and slowly smiling a big smile…and she hugs her…
Maddie: I’m happy for you, Agnes.
Dipesto: You are?
Maddie: (nods) I didn’t have the vaguest idea you two were an item.
Angle--As Dipesto sits down again…and Maddie sits down on the adjoining sofa…
Dipesto: It was almost love at first sight. Last week I showed Burt how to fill in his time card for the first week here, and well, one thing just led to another.
Maddie: I hired myself a pretty fast worker.
Dipesto: Last night we went out to dinner, and we sat there not saying anything, just looking at each other. We both knew. (And then) But I’m sure you’ve been swept off your feet before, Ms. Hayes…
On Maddie…no other way to respond…
Maddie: Oh yes.
On Dipesto…breaking into a grin…
Dipesto: You know how it is—you can’t wait to see him every day?
On Maddie…ambivalent…
Maddie: Right.
On Dipesto…glowing…
Dipesto: His voice in music to your ears…
On Maddie…a sigh…
Maddie: I suppose…
On Dipesto
Dipesto: You understand?
On Maddie…taken off guard…
Maddie: Yes. Sure. (And quickly correcting herself) I mean no…I mean—
…and suddenly we hear her office being kicked open…
[David walks in and trades some lines with Maddie. Skip to:]
Maddie: Agnes, why don’t we finish our talk later? In private.
Dipesto: Whatever you say, Ms. Hayes…
Another angle…as Dipesto crosses toward the door…and as she passes…
David, he smiles at her…
David (to Dipesto): I’m happy for you, Agnes.
Dipesto: I’m happy for you too.
He can’t figure out what she means…
[Returns to a conversation between David and Maddie. Skip to several minutes later when they are driving around doing early work on the Woods case.]
(David is driving…somewhere downtown…and he suddenly hoists a candy bar up to his mouth…tears away the wrapper with his teeth…and takes an eager bite from it…)
David (chewing): Don’t you just love these early morning jobs?
…and he proffers the gooey stump to…
Maddie…tired…being interrupted in mid-yawn…and she looks sickened by what he’s eating…
Maddie: No thank you. (And then a sigh)
Angle…as David glances over at her…
David: Look at the bright side, who says he’s gonna pick up his mail today?
Maddie: What do you mean?
David: Maybe he won’t visit the Post Office ‘til tomorrow…or the day after…Just think, for who knows how many of the next mornings, I’ll be the first face you see.
Maddie: I can die happy.
David: This is great practice, isn’t it? When we start showering together, which side do you want me to scrub first?
Maddie (suppressing another yawn): I’ll pay the cover charge, but I’m sorry I’m not a very good audience right now—(and then)—I was up half the night reading those love letters.
Angle...off the sympathetic tone in Maddie’s voice…
David: Yeah, poor Gail Woods.
Maddie: (agreeing) Poor Gail Woods.
David: Jukebox took her quarter and she never got to hear a song.
Maddie: Translation?
David: She didn’t do anything. She and this guy never even put two straws in the same milkshake.
Maddie: You wouldn’t think that if you read his letters.
(David looking at her)
David: Can’t get pregnant from a letter.
(Maddie—a serious moment, and then…)
Maddie: Well, they made me cry.
(On David, taking this in…)
(On Maddie, noticing his look…)
Maddie: A love letter is a very special thing. I don’t know a woman who doesn’t hang onto them her whole life, tucked away in the back of her dresser somewhere.
(On David—a glance at her, a silent question…)
(On Maddie—a glance at him, nodding…)
Maddie: Boxes.
(On David—he should have guessed…)
Maddie: Paul’s are so tender and so passionate. (And then) To think two people who never met could communicate like that…
David: Probably why they could…
Maddie: So don’t tell me there wasn’t anything between them…
David: Even though the only fluid that passed between them was ink.
(On Maddie—casually dismissive, looking out the window…)
Maddie: Never mind, David. Let’s skip it. Love letters aren’t exactly your speed, are they? It’s just sissy stuff, right?
[Skip to the scene where they first confront Macy in his apartment. In contrast to the t.v. version, where Maddie is a little blunt with her statement that Mrs. Woods was ‘just having fun,’ and David butts in to say something that covers up for her brusqueness, in the draft, David is confrontational and Maddie attempts to be more graceful and diplomatic.]
David: Gail Woods is an extremely wealthy woman, my friend. And this is your first—and last—nice warning. Next time Mrs. Woods files a complaint with the cops. And dials her five-hundred-buck-an-hour lawyer. And before you can say sealed with a kiss, there’s a court order stamped on your butt. And maybe a couple days in the slam besides. Capische?
(Macy staring at them for a moment)
Maddie: What you wrote in those letters, Paul…(quoting by heart)…”No matter how lonely I feel, no matter what happens…I could never hurt you.” I know you meant what you wrote. Meant it deeply. And I’m sorry this is coming from strangers. But, you’re hurting Gail now. She doesn’t want to leave her husband. You’ve got to give it up and get on with your life…
David: (nods) Absolutely. You think this guy Paul is Mr. Sensitive Artist? Believe me, next exit on his freeway was going to be blackmail.
Maddie: I suppose you’re right.
David: Never been righter…We didn’t break two people up—we put two people back together.
[Another remark, just after. David’s first remark makes it into the show. The follow-up comments do not.]
David: That’s the ticket. So whadya say when we get through spilling the good news to Mrs. Woods, we tear off a tiny piece of the check and turn it into a celebration.
Maddie (thinking, and then): Make you a deal.
David: Yeah…
Maddie: Tomorrow night. (and then) Tonight I want to get right to bed.
David: Tonight, huh. Guess I can get free for that…
;D
This is one of those episodes that winds up being so different in its written and final versions that were they both shot and aired, you would in places have a tough time figuring out they were about the same thing. With the exception of the chief plot point, that of the mystery of the letters, very little of this one stayed the same from script to television.
I'll post this in two sections to save wear-and-tear on the ol' retinas.
(Please note, contains spoilers. Please stop here if you have not seen the episode and do not wish to learn the plot[/u].)
The t.v. version of the episode opens with its infamous shot of Agnes, ahem, let’s just say getting acquainted with the new help. Everyone else stares from out in the hall, transfixed yet afraid to interrupt. David strolls up and catches the same glimpse, but is just as amused as punch. It’s safe to say Ms. Hayes is not quite so lenient.
The original script did not feature a salacious Agnes pouncing on the object of her affections. Quite the opposite: it shows them as mutually smitten from the get-go, and seeing each other pretty seriously as soon as they could. It doesn’t refer to that day as Bert’s first in the office. He and Agnes make eyes at each other, and have gotten to the business of pet names pretty quickly. They even talk about having been out to dinner, more than once. Bert's name is also spelled differently.
There are a couple of differences to note right off the bat: in the first draft, the client's family name was Woods, not Woodley; and Pete Macy, the deaf man, was Paul Macy, and not deaf. Also, something very different happens to our heroes in the middle of the plot, and it involves the words 'obstruction of justice.' You'll see. ;D
Here are some excerpts from the original version.
[My comments are in brackets, the stage directions in italics or (like this).]
[First shot in the Blue Moon office. Scene commences right after Gail writes a letter and then Macy is seen mailing one for her.]
Close up on a book entitled “The Art of Concentration”…and we pull back to see it’s being held in the hands of Dipesto…reading at her reception desk…but every few second she anxiously looks up from the book…cranes her neck to see out the front hallway…and she goes back to her book…but she keeps losing her place...suddenly, just as she’s buried her head in the pages again…
Angle—the front door
Walking in, one of the firm’s newest hires…Burt* Viola …and he tilts an incandescent smile toward Dipesto…
*[They spell it that way throughout this draft.]
Burt (musical): Good morning, Agnes…
On Dipesto…a meltdown…
Dipesto (purring): G’morning, Burt.
Angle
As Burt approaches her desk…and he looks into her eyes for a long moment…and then he speaks…
Burt: I didn’t sleep the whole night, Agnes…
On Dipesto
A touch embarrassed…then she looks up at him…
Dipesto: Me neither.
…but they’re interrupted by the phone ringing…
Angle--As Dipesto answers…
Dipesto (to Burt): Excuse me. (and then, into phone receiver): Blue Moon Investigations, The Price-Chopping Peepers…hubby go out for a drive? Still waiting for him to arrive? Two ninety-nine ninety-five—We’ll find him, if he’s alive…
Another angle--As Burt slowly glides around Dipesto’s desk…her eyes following his all the way as she recites her ditty…
Dipesto: Our low cost alarm system’s brand new…
As Burt creeps behind Dipesto
Dipesto (increasingly distracted by Burt): We wire your doors, your locks, windows too…
And one of Burt’s hands ‘walks’ up Dipesto’s arm and grabs a shoulder…
Dipesto: So no one gets in, not even you…
And Burt’s other hand ‘walks’ up and takes Dipesto’s other shoulder…
Dipesto (carrying on despite the distraction): Call, call, call us guys…
Another angle--As Bert swivel’s Dipesto’s chair around so that she’s facing him…
Dipesto: Don’t let anyone break in by surprise…
And Burt, doing an A+ Valentino, wrenches the phone from Dipesto’s weakened grasp…and he hangs up…and they kiss…
Angle--As the employees sit at their desks…staring at Dipesto and Viola as…
Dipesto and Viola continues to kiss…until we hear a woman clearing her voice…and they snap apart and turn to see…
Maddie and David
Who’ve just entered, looking on…and then glancing at each other…she’s surprised…he can’t conceal a sloppy grin on his face…
[The conversations for the next few pages are almost the same as they were on t.v. Skip to where Maddie draws Agnes into her office for a little chat on employee decorum.]
Dipesto: I’m sorry. But I just want to say one thing, Ms. Hayes. (A deep breath, and then): I enjoyed it.
On Maddie
Looking at Dipesto…and slowly smiling a big smile…and she hugs her…
Maddie: I’m happy for you, Agnes.
Dipesto: You are?
Maddie: (nods) I didn’t have the vaguest idea you two were an item.
Angle--As Dipesto sits down again…and Maddie sits down on the adjoining sofa…
Dipesto: It was almost love at first sight. Last week I showed Burt how to fill in his time card for the first week here, and well, one thing just led to another.
Maddie: I hired myself a pretty fast worker.
Dipesto: Last night we went out to dinner, and we sat there not saying anything, just looking at each other. We both knew. (And then) But I’m sure you’ve been swept off your feet before, Ms. Hayes…
On Maddie…no other way to respond…
Maddie: Oh yes.
On Dipesto…breaking into a grin…
Dipesto: You know how it is—you can’t wait to see him every day?
On Maddie…ambivalent…
Maddie: Right.
On Dipesto…glowing…
Dipesto: His voice in music to your ears…
On Maddie…a sigh…
Maddie: I suppose…
On Dipesto
Dipesto: You understand?
On Maddie…taken off guard…
Maddie: Yes. Sure. (And quickly correcting herself) I mean no…I mean—
…and suddenly we hear her office being kicked open…
[David walks in and trades some lines with Maddie. Skip to:]
Maddie: Agnes, why don’t we finish our talk later? In private.
Dipesto: Whatever you say, Ms. Hayes…
Another angle…as Dipesto crosses toward the door…and as she passes…
David, he smiles at her…
David (to Dipesto): I’m happy for you, Agnes.
Dipesto: I’m happy for you too.
He can’t figure out what she means…
[Returns to a conversation between David and Maddie. Skip to several minutes later when they are driving around doing early work on the Woods case.]
(David is driving…somewhere downtown…and he suddenly hoists a candy bar up to his mouth…tears away the wrapper with his teeth…and takes an eager bite from it…)
David (chewing): Don’t you just love these early morning jobs?
…and he proffers the gooey stump to…
Maddie…tired…being interrupted in mid-yawn…and she looks sickened by what he’s eating…
Maddie: No thank you. (And then a sigh)
Angle…as David glances over at her…
David: Look at the bright side, who says he’s gonna pick up his mail today?
Maddie: What do you mean?
David: Maybe he won’t visit the Post Office ‘til tomorrow…or the day after…Just think, for who knows how many of the next mornings, I’ll be the first face you see.
Maddie: I can die happy.
David: This is great practice, isn’t it? When we start showering together, which side do you want me to scrub first?
Maddie (suppressing another yawn): I’ll pay the cover charge, but I’m sorry I’m not a very good audience right now—(and then)—I was up half the night reading those love letters.
Angle...off the sympathetic tone in Maddie’s voice…
David: Yeah, poor Gail Woods.
Maddie: (agreeing) Poor Gail Woods.
David: Jukebox took her quarter and she never got to hear a song.
Maddie: Translation?
David: She didn’t do anything. She and this guy never even put two straws in the same milkshake.
Maddie: You wouldn’t think that if you read his letters.
(David looking at her)
David: Can’t get pregnant from a letter.
(Maddie—a serious moment, and then…)
Maddie: Well, they made me cry.
(On David, taking this in…)
(On Maddie, noticing his look…)
Maddie: A love letter is a very special thing. I don’t know a woman who doesn’t hang onto them her whole life, tucked away in the back of her dresser somewhere.
(On David—a glance at her, a silent question…)
(On Maddie—a glance at him, nodding…)
Maddie: Boxes.
(On David—he should have guessed…)
Maddie: Paul’s are so tender and so passionate. (And then) To think two people who never met could communicate like that…
David: Probably why they could…
Maddie: So don’t tell me there wasn’t anything between them…
David: Even though the only fluid that passed between them was ink.
(On Maddie—casually dismissive, looking out the window…)
Maddie: Never mind, David. Let’s skip it. Love letters aren’t exactly your speed, are they? It’s just sissy stuff, right?
[Skip to the scene where they first confront Macy in his apartment. In contrast to the t.v. version, where Maddie is a little blunt with her statement that Mrs. Woods was ‘just having fun,’ and David butts in to say something that covers up for her brusqueness, in the draft, David is confrontational and Maddie attempts to be more graceful and diplomatic.]
David: Gail Woods is an extremely wealthy woman, my friend. And this is your first—and last—nice warning. Next time Mrs. Woods files a complaint with the cops. And dials her five-hundred-buck-an-hour lawyer. And before you can say sealed with a kiss, there’s a court order stamped on your butt. And maybe a couple days in the slam besides. Capische?
(Macy staring at them for a moment)
Maddie: What you wrote in those letters, Paul…(quoting by heart)…”No matter how lonely I feel, no matter what happens…I could never hurt you.” I know you meant what you wrote. Meant it deeply. And I’m sorry this is coming from strangers. But, you’re hurting Gail now. She doesn’t want to leave her husband. You’ve got to give it up and get on with your life…
David: (nods) Absolutely. You think this guy Paul is Mr. Sensitive Artist? Believe me, next exit on his freeway was going to be blackmail.
Maddie: I suppose you’re right.
David: Never been righter…We didn’t break two people up—we put two people back together.
[Another remark, just after. David’s first remark makes it into the show. The follow-up comments do not.]
David: That’s the ticket. So whadya say when we get through spilling the good news to Mrs. Woods, we tear off a tiny piece of the check and turn it into a celebration.
Maddie (thinking, and then): Make you a deal.
David: Yeah…
Maddie: Tomorrow night. (and then) Tonight I want to get right to bed.
David: Tonight, huh. Guess I can get free for that…
;D